Husband refuses to disclose to wife how much money he makes, despite their decade-long relationship, she refuses to grow their family without financial transparency: ‘He says that it’s not important'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 19, 2025 12:00 PM EST

After a few years of sharing your life with another person, it's hard to imagine how one can keep vital information from the other. Coming home to someone every single day should be the open invitation to sharing everything, from what you had for lunch to your deepest, darkest thoughts.

As it turns out, many couples keep secrets from one another, some that seem impossible to hold on to for so long. The husband in the story below, for example, has kept his income a secret from his wife for the past 9 years. She works part-time while he buys the house, and pays the bills, but she has no idea how much he actually makes every single month. 

Recently, they started talking about kids, but the wife is uncomfortable starting a family while she is still kept in the dark about their financial situation. The husband, on the other hand, claims she should not concern herself with the details and just trust him that everything is taken care of.

Many people believe that getting married without full transparency in the first place is reckless, and blame the wife for the situation she is in. What do you think? Scroll down for the full story and share your thoughts.

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  • AITAH for wanting to know how much money my husband makes?

    My husband and I just got married this year after being together for 9 years. When we first got together, he was very reserved about his financial situation.
    via throwawayra98762
  • Man and Woman looking at bills
    via fizkes

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He owns a business and I didn't feel the need to ask or pry. As we've been together, we've slowly morphed into me working a part time job and him paying all the bills which I am very grateful for and try my best to show my appreciation as much as I can.
    via throwawayra98762
  • I also take care of all of the household duties and pay for groceries about half the time.
    via throwawayra98762
  • We've seemed to settle into this arrangement with no issues from either side. He's never disclosed how much money he makes annually or given me any insight into his finances.
    via throwawayra98762
  • I know that there's no debt or anything like that for a few reasons I can't disclose here.
    via throwawayra98762
  • I have throughout the years interviewed for full time jobs. I had an offer for a 6 figure job and nearly accepted it until he said "well then we can't go to X (a place we frequently will stay for weeks or months) and I'll have to go alone to Y" etc.
    via throwawayra98762
  • in a way making me feel guilty or like I'd miss out on our life that we currently share.
    via throwawayra98762
  • He also bought our new house without me being present or even knowing he purchased it, saying it was a surprise.
    via throwawayra98762
  • I did tour it before and really liked it so it wasn't an issue, it's just the fact that I was not included in this decision making.
    via throwawayra98762
  • Now that we got married recently, I felt it was time that I know fully what's going on.
    via throwawayra98762
  • We're planning to have children and I'd like to know what our budget looks like (private school, nanny, etc, are those in our budget?).
    via throwawayra98762
  • I also pay for most of my own expenses (hair, makeup, clothing, workout classes etc) with my own money from my job and if I had a child, I would not be working as much.
    via throwawayra98762
  • This is where we are currently. He tells me I could easily check the bills that come in in the mail and know what's happening that way.
    via throwawayra98762
  • I said ok sure! So I made a spreadsheet of the expenses I could find, noting the due dates and auto pay cards etc.
    via throwawayra98762
  • just trying to work with what I could get. He still will NOT tell me how much money he makes or show me bank accounts/statements (although I have seen one or two over the years on the counter).
    via throwawayra98762
  • He says I could assume from our lifestyle and cars that we're well off. Our house is worth 7 figures and our cars are around 6 figures.
    via throwawayra98762
  • I said I understood that but I feel that if I'm going to have a child with you and become more dependent, I'd like to fully understand.
    via throwawayra98762
  • He says that it's not important and that I'll "tell people" (we have not had any issues with me disclosing personal things in the past).
    via throwawayra98762
  • All in all, I am very grateful for the life he provides and I've tried to make that clear as much as I can but I don't want to go into parenthood blind to these things.
    via throwawayra98762
  • He thinks that it shouldn't matter because I'm taken care of but I never anticipated I'd be in this position.
    via throwawayra98762
  • I've always been a career oriented person until this relationship. ETA: \-I have seen his credit report when we pulled it for our most recent car lease and it is very high, no issues there.
    via throwawayra98762
  • \-This is our first year legally married so we have not filed taxes together yet. \-We have not done any legal paperwork for the marriage other than filing the license.
    via throwawayra98762
  • Woman Paying Utility Bill
    via DragonImages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I'm more than willing to sign a post nup in this case. \-No gambling/a tion or debt that I can see.
    via throwawayra98762
  • We spend 90% of our time together so I think I'd notice. AITA for wanting to know how much my husband makes?
    via throwawayra98762
  • coygobbler You need to get a job and manage your own finances and YWBTA to yourself if you didn't take this into your own hands and look after yourself. Do you know what he does for his business? Something tells me he's either spending well above his means and you're in debt and don't know OR his business isn't legit.
    via coygobbler
  • OP throwawayra98762 Yes I do know what his business is and have frequently gone to his place of work so I know that he's not lying about that. I'm not sure about the overspending because | do know that our house is paid off fully and he was very frugal with his money before/in the early days of us being together. He lived in his previous home for 20+ years and had it paid off for a while so I don't think that could be it... just strange.
    via throwawayra98762
  • aeroeagleAC I am throwing this out there to everyone that gets married. You are being dumb if you don't have a indepth conversation about finances with full transparency before getting married.
    via aeroeagleAC
  • Equivalent_Lemon_319 These are things you need to talk before BEFORE marriage but better late than never I guess. It's very sus that he is refusing to let you in the loop regarding his finances. NTA
    via Equivalent_Lemon_319
  • jujutsu-die-sen He bought the house before you got married so that if you get divorced it will be considered a pre-marital asset and you'll have no rights to it. He is hiding a lot intentionally and if you want to stay with him you need to be independent and get your ducks in a row because he is not going to take care of you
    via jujutsu-di*-sen
  • I-luv-sloths Don't get pregnant if he doesn't put you on the bank accounts. This might be his way of trying to financially control you.
    via I-luv-sloths
  • Ok_Homework_7621 Get a full-time job. Make sure you don't get pregnant. Run.
    via Ok_Homework_7621
  • Lambsenglish Yeah, 1926 called - they want their relationship back. I simply have no idea how people live like this. How can you have a life partnership with someone without shared understanding of the economic fuel that keeps that life going? Madness.
    via Lambsenglish
  • HorizonHunter1982 Why would she marry someone that won't answer the most basic questions about how you live
    via HorizonHunter1982
  • Bright-Awareness6089 My red flags went high when you mentioned he talked you out of accepting a 6-figure job and secured a home in his name only as a surprise gift. Nah, this husband of yours is finding ways to control you so you don't progress and stay stagnant and partially dependent.
    via Bright-Awareness6089

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relationship advice marriage income drama work finance wife relationship-drama relationships husband advice couples love money
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